Can you recognise disqualifications in your coaching conversations?
In every coaching conversation, clear communication is key. But what happens when that clarity is disrupted? As a coach, you may sense the dialogue becoming strained, or notice that your client isn’t truly connecting. One common cause? Disqualifications – subtle, often unconscious communicative blocks that can undermine the coaching process.
What are disqualifications?
The concept of disqualification was introduced by psychologist Paul Watzlawick. It refers to messages that are vague, contradictory or confusing. At times, this may be intentional – for instance, to avoid conflict – but more often it occurs unconsciously, driven by fear, shame, or insecurity. In all cases, the result is the same: the message loses its potency and impact.
There are three primary forms of disqualification that you, as a coach, need to learn to recognise and gently explore.
1. Disqualification by the sender
Here, the client distances themselves from their own message. For example:
“Some people might get upset by this.”
But what about the client themselves? This may be a strategy to avoid emotional engagement or personal responsibility. A helpful coaching response might be:
“And how does this affect you personally?” or “What happens for you when this occurs?”
2. Disqualification of the message
In this form, the message itself becomes unclear or contradictory. The client may use vague language, irony, or sidestep the topic altogether. For instance:
“That might work – if everything goes perfectly.”
What does that actually mean? As coach, you could ask:
“What do you mean by ‘if everything goes perfectly’? What aspects can you influence yourself?”
3. Disqualification by the receiver
Here, the client (as recipient of a suggestion or observation) ignores, downplays, or distorts the message. For example:
“That sort of thing doesn’t work for me.”
This blocks the conversation before it even starts. A useful question might be:
“What makes you feel that this wouldn’t work for you?”
Why does this matter?
Disqualifications get in the way of authentic connection. As a coach, your role is not to gloss over these moments, but to slow down and explore them with curiosity and care. Naming what you notice – without judgement – helps restore clarity and empowers the client to take ownership of their narrative.
Practical tips for coaches:
- Ask open, curious questions
- Reflect inconsistencies between words and body language
- Gently probe vague or ambiguous expressions
- Bring the conversation back to the client: “And how is this for you?”
- Be aware of your own disqualifications as a coach
Coaches who learn to recognise and name disqualifications can bring the conversation back to its core: authentic contact and meaningful change. Behind every evasive sentence or ironic remark often lies a deeper need for attention, recognition or transformation.
Do you recognise these patterns in your conversations? In our Coaching and Counselling Year 1 and Year 2 programmes, you will learn how to identify disqualifications – and how to work through them effectively. This is how coaching becomes truly transformational.